One star called out of darkness

grayrose76 @ 2008-09-04T09:56:00

2008-09-04T15:59:58Z

I'm happy with my query! Thanks to Paichka,shweta_narayan and cathellisen for ideas and brainstorming! This feels so good.

Still working on the synopsis, and waiting for three beta responses. Two said they finished but are thinking about their comments. One is still reading (eep).

:D

grayrose76 @ 2008-09-01T21:33:00

2008-09-02T03:30:05Z

In the open-ended meme, cathellisen cathellisen asked,

1: Do you feel a bit like an outsider in America, or do you think you've assimilated?

That's a great question. I've lived in the Bay Area for seven years and never once felt like an outsider, but the Bay Area is a wonderfully diverse place which is very accepting of everyone who is different, and of course I am very different from your run-of-the-mill American. But I fit very well in the Bay Area, where most people shared my multicultural outlook on life and the love of organic food. Ph.Ds and graduate students are a dime a dozen in Berkeley, and poetry lovers are on every corner.

The Midwest is very different. If the Midwest is what America is about, I don't feel at all like an American, although I love it that the people are so nice.

2: would you rather be recognised for your poetry or you prose? (tricky!)

Yes, tricky. Prose is much harder for me than poetry, and of course it's much more satisfying to be recognized for something you fought for. On the other hand,writing good prose for mel means I turn my soul inside out and spill what's there for everyone to look at. Poetry leaves one with more dignity.

I've heard some poets say they'd rather be recognized for their prose, that poetry is just a placeholder until they make it as novelists. I do not feel that way. Poetry is a part of who I am, whether I write it or not. Prose is more of an adventure.

I guess I want to be recognized for the poetic quality of my language, no matter what I write.

3: Who/what is your biggest writing influence?

This changes all the time. I read a lot, lately mostly nonfiction and, well, poetry. I've lately read two wonderful essays, Rose Tarlow's "The Private House" and Susan Stewart's "On Longing" that made me rethink or think through my novel in different ways. Rose Tarlow's book on interior design is the most poetic bit of prose I've read in years, and it's non-fiction. Susan Stewart's work looks at the drive for the symbolic in our lives.
As for the cnstant companions - I could not be the ~~writer~~ person I am without these authors:
Ursula K. Le Guin - I doubt she needs introduction or explanation, but I appreciated her devotion to finding the Otherness beautiful. And also she doesnt forget about languages; you can hear their echo in her work.
Ted Hughes - because Crow is the book of poetry that comes from the Id, because it's honest, because it's raw and because it's true.
Brothers Strugatsky - they are virtually unknown outside of USSR, but in USSR theirbook books had cult status. Some were banned and printed "samizdat", and I've read one such banned and "self-published" book of theirs (or would i be more correct to call it others'-published)? They taught me a thing or two about writing social criticism, strength of character, insatiable intellectual curiosity, and despair..
</lj>

grayrose76 @ 2008-08-31T21:16:00

2008-09-01T02:18:56Z

I have a new pic in my profile. It makes me happy.

BTW, if anybody wants to play "open meme," please feel free to ask me any three questions. I will answer them, and ask you three questions in return.

Query Hell

2008-09-01T01:12:02Z

I posted the second version on my query on AW. It still isn't nearly close to done.

Why the querying is causing me much anguish:

1. My MC is an antihero, and nobody quite believes (from my query) that he would want to save the day. Why bother? He himself is never threatened. When I say "duty," people ask me to explain why duty is so important to him. If I said, "love," would anybody ask why love is so important to him? A sense of duty is built-in in Ranruvan.

2. The query sounds voiceless and unemotional, and my book is anything but. My book has been described by readers as intense and compelling and emotionally vivid. The query's flat, because the query is from the MC's POV; but the MC never has a voice. It's told by his slaves and his enemies (some eventually become former enemies, but still). There are five distinctive and voicy protags, but none can carry a query. cathellisen thinks that Paret can do it, but one of my betas told me today that Paret is too passive. It is a common complaint.

3. The book has a braid structure. Here's what Cat said about it,

"It felt to me like a rope woven around steel, all these different threads to build it, but the core was always one story."

Beautiful, hah? But this structure does not lend itself well to querying.

Karen Duvall from AW offered me a lot of good advice, culminating in "this is tough, maybe ask your betas to write a query for you and see what you can take from it."

Seeing what I'm going through with this, it doesn't seem like a very fair thing to ask of my betas.

Rose, summarized

2008-08-29T03:16:06Z

Good: cathellisen finished reading the beta draft and thought my book rocks. I won't repeat what she said for the sake of modesty, but it made me so happy I printed it out.

So-so: my query for Otherblood sucks ostrich eggs. Cat volunteered to help, so I am not completely despairing yet, but damn this is hard. The MC never gets to speak so he doesn't have a voice, everybody else is voicy but they're not the MC. Plot revolves around the MC, but the novel's best selling point is the voice. Catch 22.

Bad: The interdepartmental conflict I briefly mentioned previously became much worse today, and I am sure I'm not doing my best.

grayrose76 @ 2008-08-26T15:09:00

2008-08-26T20:43:50Z

Being a coward is not fun. I am a coward. I'm fighting against myself tooth and nail and often win, but other people just have it easy. I'm not envious, just.. sad.

My novelette "Exile in Wakewood" has seen two markets. One R was a form, another R was personal (JBU).
I parked the story. The beginning needs to be changed, and I don't know how. I don't know why my character does a certain thing. And that thing has to happen for the story to take place.

I really want to send it to "Beneath Ceaseless Skies," but I am afraid of a form rejection. Or something. I am afraid of something. I guess because this story is important to me, and it seems I failed with it, and I don't want to touch it because it is painful to be rejected, makes sense?
A cowardly kind of sense.

grayrose76 @ 2008-08-26T10:40:00

2008-08-26T15:45:56Z

My poem "To a Skylark" sold to GUD issue 4.

A funny story about this poem: I wrote it after "An Exile in Wakewood" was rejected by Sword and Sorceress. I promptly sent it to GUD, then started having second thoughts, so I posted it on AW poetry forums for critique. One person said weird things about it. I became very upset by this and almost withdrew it, but cathellisen and shweta_narayan talked me out of it; I decided to wait for GUD to reject it. I'd park it then.

After 128 days, it sold.

Not sure what moral is there, if at all.

grayrose76 @ 2008-08-24T23:08:00

2008-08-25T04:10:33Z

I had to run an errand with a person in a nearby city. I called her in advance and told her I was new in the area. She asked what I did and I said I was a professor.
Once I arrived, she said, "So, your husband is a professor..."
*headdesk*

grayrose76 @ 2008-08-23T20:43:00

2008-08-24T01:46:35Z

Since I lack furniture, I went to the local craigslist.org only to discover a lovely oversized coach, a white leather automan, and a table lamb!

I'm happy now.

grayrose76 @ 2008-08-23T00:41:00

2008-08-23T05:42:35Z

My poem Odysseus on the War Train is up at Abyss and Apex. I didn't even notice.

Otherblood betaing

2008-08-21T00:29:07Z

I've expanded the climactic scenes by almost 1k words, and sent my now 97k novel to four ~~innocent victims~~ beta readers. That should be enough, provided all of my readers finish reading and not throw the whole thing away in disgust. The next iteration of this will be better, I hope.

I can't do the query though - the MC comes across as a self-serving SOB. In reality he is a very complex man who is capable of great evil and great good, and he certainly does both. *sigh* maybe my betas will have suggestions.

I changed the MC's last name from Ranravan to Ranruvan, because most English speakers were misspelling his original name as Ranraven, and I really hated this He is not emo! . His name means 'Ranra's descendant.' I changed the genitive case ending from -av to -uv. I like the new effect, but it's very weird for me after, well, a year of very close acquaintance.

Otherblood rewrites: DONE!!!!!

2008-08-17T06:31:19Z

96,016 / 90,000
(106.7%)

It's kind of funny to call them rewrites, since after the first 82k I ran out of draft. But yes, I have a full draft, and yes, I am very happy!

grayrose76 @ 2008-08-13T22:01:00

2008-08-14T05:01:00Z

Stolen from dichroic. The only problem is that I'm really not an omnivore, since I keep kosher, which limits my possibilities. Well, anyway! I didn't always keep kosher, but even then I refused to eat whale in Iceland. Whale is not in this list, but please don't eat whales. They are large and warm, not to mention endangered. They also sing.

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Make recommendations of specific places/products when possible.

The VGT Omnivore's Hundred:

1. Venison I ate smoked reindeer in the tundra, does that count?
2. Nettle tea I used to gather the stuff when I lived in Ukraine, dry it up and drink it - pretty good.
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. ~~Crocodile~~ It's not kosher!
6. ~~Black pudding~~ It's not bloody kosher
7. Cheese fondue. But only once - it was too much cheese.
8. Carp - oh yes. Carp makes wonderful gefilte fish. I fished for carp, too. But I caught pike.
9. Borscht. Best place to get borscht? My house. Absolutely. I make a mean vegetarian version, too.
10. Baba ghanoush. I love it, and I make it.
11. ~~Calamari~~ not kosher.
12. Pho - I ate vegetarian pho in Berkeley.
13. ~~PB&J sandwich~~ Sorry, I'm a furreigner.
14. Aloo gobi I love Indian food.
15. Hot dog from a street cart - in Russia. Again, this was before my kosher keeping days. I remember looking at an American package of sausages, and it said "hot dog." I translated this to my parents. We all wondered what high-temperature domestic animals have to do with sausages, but couldn't figure out.
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle There used to be this small non-kosher French restaurant in Israel where every non-kosher dish on the menu was accompanied by a little drawing of a pig. E.g. CALAMARI (pig). SHRIMP (pig). The black truffles there were divine.
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes. Plum wine (slivova rakia) in Bulgaria was pretty awesome, and so was the company.
19. ~~Steamed pork buns~~ They're not kosher.
20. Pistachio ice cream. And it's kosher! Yay!
21. Heirloom tomatoes. They are perfect with a bit of olive oil and basil. Or just like that. Yes, even in the street.
22. Fresh wild berries. In Ukraine, I used to pick those in the forest. Once as a child I went to the berry bush and heard weird noises. My grandma said it was a bear. But it wasn't. It was just some drunk.
23. ~~Foie gras~~ - guess what, it's kosher, but not very ethical.
24. Rice and beans. Who hasn't?.
25. ~~Brawn, or head cheese~~
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. ~~Oysters~~ They are not kosher.
29. Baklava. Best one was probably in Turkey, or made by Kathryn, or made by one of my professors, or the one in Bulgaria...
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. ~~Clam chowder~~ in a sourdough bowl. I saw these, but Clams are not kosher. Sourdough bowls are thankfully kosher. So I had a minestrone in a sourdough bowl in SF. Is it recommended? Oh yes.
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut. My father made the best. I make it too.
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar. And it was lots of fun. In my undergrad days my two best friends smoked cigarettes, the third smoked a pipe, I smoked cigars (purely as a protection from the abovementioned three). During get-togethers, I supplied the cognac.
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. ~~Gumbo~~ I saw it in New Orleans. Nuff said.
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. ~~Whole insects~~ They say that locusts are kosher, but they can say that again.
43. Phaal
44. Goat's milk. Fresh from the goat. In Ukraine. It's an acquired taste.
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more.
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel. It's not kosher, but unagi sushi is one of my few transgressions. That and California rolls.
49. ~~Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut.~~ A friend of ours once came in screaming "Crispy Kreme doughnuts are kosher!" Crazy, I tell you. He had a whole box of those things. I ate one. Yuck.
50. ~~Sea urchin~~ Sigh.
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi Yes! Yes! Yes!
53. ~~Abalone~~
54. Paneer And you can make it.
55. ~~McDonalds Big Mac Meal~~. I had a McDonalds Big Mac Meal with Kosher for Passover Buns. o.O
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini. Last year I needed to get drunk, but vodka is better. I'm sticking to vodka from now on.
58. Beer above 8% ABV. I think so.
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips. They're pretty good. My mother-in-law makes a carob cake which is great.
61. S'mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. ~~Frogs’ legs~~
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake. In New Orleans. It's good, but not for me.
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain. Now this is something I'd eat again and again.
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini. I don't make the caviar but I sure make blini, so if you come over and need a fix.... come over. My parents used to get three-liter jars of red caviar. I'm afraid my caviar portions are much smaller, but I compensate with the blini and the sour cream.
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost. In Norway.
75. ~~Roadkill~~
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie. Yum
78. ~~Snail~~
79. Lapsang souchong. It's my favorite tea.
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. ~~Eggs Benedict~~. I had eggs Florentine instead. In Alaska on New Year's day.
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant. I ate at Chez Panisse.
85. Kobe beef
86. ~~Hare~~ Guess what the hare's problem is.
87. Goulash, I make it. And it comes out pretty damn awesome.
88. Flowers Edible flowers are neat as salad garnish
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. ~~Spam~~ I tried. Honestly, I tried.
92. ~~Soft shell crab~~
93. Rose harissa
94. ~~Catfish~~ It's not kosher, but oh well. Yes, I ate catfish before I saw them in their natural habitat. The catfish swam up like aliens from the murky water, magical, waving their moustache- I'm not eating them anymore.
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox. Don't forget the shmear.
97. ~~Lobster Thermidor .~~ My father, who does not keep kosher, once had two of those things swim in our bathtub.
98. Polenta. Why is it in this list? It's one of the staples of my diet. Polenta cooked slowly with a bit of milk and butter, topped with brown mushrooms... Seriously, I have a big dining room now. Come over ;)
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. ~~Snake~~.

Road Trip

2008-08-03T17:41:14Z

I will be gone between today and the 10th, traveling between NorCal and my new home. No email and such. I know I wasn't very good about communicating lately, but I'll miss you guys. Hope you sell many fine stories and increase your wordcount by the thousands.

cheers,
Rose

grayrose76 @ 2008-07-28T21:04:00

2008-07-29T04:09:40Z

I packed 25 boxes of books today. My books only. Still about four to go, I think.
All of these books were in three and a half bookcases. And that's why I have in my interests, " too many books" and "not enough bookshelves".

I was at the optometry clinic today, again, trying to finalize my prescription. My eyes are weird. Last time they tortured me for two hours and told me to come again. I have horrible astigmatism, which is apparently not correctable by glasses, lenses, or surgery. I can never have 20/20 vision. Morale: don't read. Don't write, either.

grayrose76 @ 2008-07-25T14:45:00

2008-07-25T21:53:49Z

ellen_datlow blogs about Botox Bridesmaids. I have to admit I was somewhat freaked out by this.

I come from a bridesmaid-less culture. On my wedding we had a live klezmer band, and nice food, and everybody was happy. My best friends wore an assortment of clothes. Gifts included an Old English dictionary, an RPG videogame, the complete illustrated Narnia, and two tabletop grills (one of which later caused an electricity failure in the apartment building and was retired).

First time I saw an American wedding, with eight identical-looking bridesmaids in hideous pink gowns, I took pictures. It was a culture shock.

As for asking my girlfriends for breast enhancements... EEEP.

For all your lovers of Northern folk -

2008-07-19T00:34:29Z

Mari Boine's Boadan Nuppi Bealde "I Come from the Other Side". Note Jan Garbarek on the saxophone :D

Poetry: painfully insecure

2008-07-18T20:50:07Z

I donated 25$ to livelongandmarry, and tithenai and mer_moon will critique 5 poems of mine! dichroic will also get 5 poems critiqued :) That's awesome, and I am really looking forward to it. I need to get my "war poems" critiqued. Unfortunately, both are on submission.

I am feeling very weird about having had this many poetry sales. I feel like, I don't know, I am not serious? My work is subpar? I know, I know, this is not logical. If the poems weren't ok they wouldn't sell. But I guess I am becoming greedy. I don't want them to be just ok, I want them to be good, and are they good? I don't know. Of course, the solution is fairly obvious. I can send all my crap to Poetry Magazine and gloat over my shiny form rejections. It is idiotic to think I can ever be as good as my favorite poets. But maybe I settle. Maybe I let them go too soon, before they are ready. Not sure. I do rewrite them many times before they go.

Yeah. I stopped deleting in January. I sold my first poem in January. After this, I just, dunno, allowed myself to write poetry again. And I love it, but really, I need to figure out how I feel about continuing to send poems out.

grayrose76 @ 2008-07-17T09:12:00

2008-07-17T16:15:37Z

Marge Simon bought my poem, "Burns at Both Ends," for the January 09 issue of Star*line. I sat on that one for a very long time. It went out once to a mainstream mag, because I was wondering if it could be a mainstream poem. Silly me! It has a firebird in it!

This is my third sale to Star*line :D

Collections

2008-07-15T23:49:41Z

I wanted to post something not related to the latest controversy, and not related to my ongoing battle with anxiety.

So: meet Koyemsi. This mudhead katsina is about 70 years old and comes from Arizona. He is the second katsina in my collection.

Since I haven't talked about my collection before, a couple of words. Before 2007, I used to say that I collect Native American art, but then I happened to acquire an Aboriginal painting. I am inspired and deeply moved by art that is indigenous, minimalistic, and vivid.

I put money aside and buy one piece every year. I have five what I consider "major" pieces of art at this point, of them one was a gift and four were purchases. Two are katsinas, two are Alaskan native masks and one, as I said, is an Aboriginal painting. Plus I have three "accidental" pieces, one is a very small soapstone mask which is very likely Inuit, and I have no idea where it comes from (a flea market find). Another is a Zuni watersnake made from a piece of horn, rather lovely, which was the first piece I acquired, but I didn't put a lot of thought or research into the acquisition. The last is my Alaskan fetish necklace which I call ritual and which always goes with me, but it's not strictly a part of my collection, being so deeply personal/mythical in nature.

Not sure how to talk about those pieces. There is something very personal about collecting in general, the urge to surround oneself with powerful beauty that resonates on such a deep level. Do you understand?

Once upon a time I showed my Paqua Mana (the Frog Woman katsina) to an online friend, and she said, "what is this horrendous ugliness?" I knew then we'd not get along, and of course we eventually had a falling out.

If this is of interest, I'd love to hear about your collections. What do you collect, and why?

ETA: This Library Tour is so lovely I had to post a link. I love Northwestern Native art with a fierce love. One of my Alaskan masks is by David Oksoktaruk, and you can see two of his pieces in the tour.

On Hatred

2008-07-12T03:14:45Z

I wasn't going to say anything on the latest controversy- others phrased it better, but something tithenai said in comments somewhere else set me to thinking again.

I'd like to share a personal anecdote.
Some years ago my husband and I went to ConJose. Since part of the WorldCon took place on Saturday, my husband suggested we go to a Shabbat dinner with one of the families in the Jewish community there. We didn't know anybody, but in the shul, as always, there were people offering their hospitality for guests. The people seemed nice, so we went.

During dinner, the husband asked me what I did. I explained some of my latest research involving the Balkans. "So you know Serbian?" I said I did know it, though my knowledge wasn't "superior" on the OPI scale. Advanced, yes. He said, "That's awesome! If I were you I would run and enlist with a government agency. We have to bomb the Serbians!" Me: "Excuse me?" The man: "Yes, they are monsters and we have an ethical duty to keep them in check." He didn't stop there; I have by now blocked out the lengthy tirade. I argued with him, of course. My husband argued with him. His own wife argued with him! Of course it didn't help. Finally my husband told him that this particular worldview wasn't appropriate for discussion on Shabbat. He stopped to think of a response, and in that moment the young people around the table interfered and rerouted the conversation. We should have left, of course; in retrospect we wished we would have, but we stayed.

The whole thing left me feeling as if I'd been hit in the stomach. The worst of this was that this man had extended his hospitality to us, shared his food. And then came this conversation, the blow. It wouldn't have been so horrible from a total stranger.

The point is, in the ideal world we'd all be free from hatreds. There would be gender equality. Race, ethnicity, history would not make us hate each other before we even get to know each other. But we do not live in the ideal world. Chekhov once said, "All my life I've been squeezing the slave out of me drop by drop." So it is with prejudices and hatreds, I feel - most of us grow up with one kind or another, and to squeeze them out is hard work.

But I think it is very cruel to inflict one's hatreds upon an unsuspecting audience, especially a captive one. It's just not very moral, because by doing so you invite the interlocutor to partake in those hatreds. That's just not right.

grayrose76 @ 2008-07-01T23:26:00

2008-07-02T06:35:19Z

Today we had dinner guests : the illustrious Eve S. and her husband Alex.

And here's what we had for dinner, all lovingly made by yours truly.

Israeli style chopped tomato/cucumber salad (not pictured)

Antipasti - italian eggplant marinated in red wine vinegar and garlic; fire-roasted red bell peppers marinated in olive oil and balsamic vinegar

Pirozhki with the filling of onion, chopped egg, mushroom, rice, and salmon. Note that those are baked, not fried.

And this is what the filling and the dough looked like:

The recipe for this can be found in the excellent cookbook "Please to the Table", but if you want I can explain - let me know.

For dessert we had pears poached in wine with a single cinnamon stick (very simple).

Great time was had by all! The guests departed, carrying away two fiction books.

My Nordic Playlist - top ten songs

2008-07-01T05:08:10Z

The playlist is much longer, but this is the most-played order ATM.

Please note that my Swedish is extremely weak and my Finnish virtually nonexistent, so please forgive if I misrepresent something.

1. Herr Olof / Sir Olof, by Garmarna : a young man comes to a mermaid's hall, is given a drink of wine and forgets his kin and home.

2. Gammel Sara / Old Sara, by Triakel: an old woman is whipped to death by neighbors who want to get rid of her.

3. Tina Vieri / Tin Rolling, by Hedningarna - Daughter travels to the land of shadows to bring her mother back (in Finnish)

4. Tuuli / Wind Raising, by Hedningarna - Prayer to the god Ukko for wind and thunder (in Finnish)

5. Bortsalda / Sold Away, by Garmarna: a woman is sold away (presumably into slavery) and begs her brother, then her lover to ransom her.

6. Bonden och Krakan / The Farmer and The Crow, by Ranarim - a farmer kills the poor crow and prepares a variety of foods from its cut-up body.

7. Vänner og Fränder / Friends and Kin, by Garmarna: bride refuses to consummate the marriage, runs away to her sailor lover.

8. Stolt Ingrid / Proud Ingrid, by Ranarim: same as 7. In fact, those ballads are cognates.

9. Fager som en Ros / Fair as a Rose, by Ranarim: this one is about having sex on the dance floor.

10. Kivutar / Värttina, a prayer to the goddess of illnesses. It's rather cheerful (in Finnish).

grayrose76 @ 2008-06-29T12:00:00

2008-06-29T19:01:34Z

Got my contributor's copy of Warrior Wisewoman. Cool! It's available for purchase now FYI.

grayrose76 @ 2008-06-26T19:05:00

2008-06-27T02:18:16Z

This meme is going around my flist. Seems that people did various groovy things. Me? Yeah, I did weird things, but are they cool? Anyway.

* Post 3 things you've done in your lifetime that you don't think anybody else on your friends list has done.
* See if anybody else responds with "I've done that." If they have, you need to add another!(2.b., 2.c., etc...)
* Have your friends cut & paste this into their journal to see what unique things they've done in their life.

1. Catalogued medieval manuscripts in a tiny underground library of a monastery in Jerusalem (and yes, wearing a moderately revealing v-neck was NOT a good idea).

2. Been told ghost stories by drunken Icelanders. In Iceland. Some of them even in Icelandic :D

3. Finished at least three roguelike games - Nethack, Angband, and ADOM (I played most of them at some point, but those are the best).